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Sex-The Taboo Topic

I received so many accolades from people all over the country, who were appreciative that I wrote about christian married sex (check out my page on “Let’s talk about Sex”)! Thank you so much for your support! It truly means a lot.

Sex-Talk is Inappropriate?

This is a “modest” issue of Cosmo Girl….

Unfortunately, there were a few that had issues with my last post about sex. Some argued that their teenagers were reading it, and that it was inappropriate for me to discuss sex in a public forum. I would argue that it is the most appropriate thing a teenager can read (if thats what they really want to read about).

Why? Because I would rather a teenager stumble upon a post about christian married sex and be educated on what a godly marriage and sex-life looks like, then to peruse Teen Magazines (look at this one! It’s for teens!), Pinterest, Snapchat, Twitter and Facebook (not to mention the internet!!!) and read about all sorts of INNAPROPRIATE talk about un-married sex and teenage promiscuity.

Is your teenager on Pinterest? Think it’s an innocent and safe place for home decor and recipes??? THINK AGAIN! Yes, it can be a great resource, but just type in “sex”, and you will find out what “inappropriate” is. There is stuff on there and many other forums that is so dangerous! The fact of the matter is, teenagers are curious.

But, that’s a whole different subject.

People WANT to talk about Sex!

kissing What these facts on both sides made me realize was…people (and teenagers) WANT to talk about sex. People (and teenagers) want to know that it is ok to talk about sex.

People also want to know that other people struggle with all sorts of sex related issues.

Marriage is hard sometimes. But marriage can be amazing too. If we educate our young kids to what a godly, healthy and awesome marriage looks like (including a healthy sex-life), I think we would have so much less curiosity going on with our young people.

There are so many facets to a married sex-life, and unfortunately, not enough people talk about it. ESPECIALLY  in the church. As christians, we have the privilege to be able to tell the world that we can have the best sex ever! Why? Because we understand that sex, in it’s truest form, is a picture of intimacy with our God! It is not only a fun and exciting thing between a man and women, but it is truly beautiful.

These guys say it perfectly:

“Sex. For some, the topic is taboo. Others find it repulsive. Those willing to market and exploit it make millions. Did you know that most couples have as much trouble talking about their funeral as they do talking about sex? That could be why the Christian Church has largely gone silent on the issue. 

Some have bought into the myth that sex is only to be discussed between a husband and a wife, yet while sex is sacred and the marriage bed should be guarded, the topic of sex must be discussed if it’s going to truly be honored and protected. God is not afraid of the topic of sex. Did you know that God has given us more instructions about sex than He has about parenting? The Bible provides more instruction and guidance for how to make a baby than for how to take care of one! God has given us sex as a gift and it’s one to be thoroughly treasured, celebrated, and enjoyed.” -Ted Cunningham (Pastor at Woodland Hills church in Branson, Mo) and Dr. Gary Smalley (Bestselling author and Dr.)

Why the “Hush, hush”?

Why is it then that this topic has become so “hush, hush”? Is it because of our culture? Is it because it’s portrayed as “ugly” and not to be discussed in public? Is it because it’s “wrong” to “air your dirty laundry”?

There are so many “why’s”.

I’ll tell you what, I sure wish I was able to discuss sex in an open way as a young person! As a teenager, I was curious. Aren’t we all? I wanted to know about sex, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. I had heard that it was a “taboo topic”. That I wasn’t allowed to discuss it or ask questions about it, and God-forbid, bring it up in a church setting!

Luckily, my mom gave me a book about married sex later on in high school. I was able to read it, and try to understand it (in my finite pea-brain of a mind, at that age). Unfortunately, I still didn’t understand, and I wasn’t able to discuss it with anyone. Later on, when I went to public school (I was homeschooled for 10 years), I heard “talk” that I had no idea what it was about. I was so naive (looking back now…it was a good thing), that I could not understand half of the vulgar things that were being said. Trust me….vulgarity is totally a common thing in our high schools! To think otherwise is just being ignorant.

Maybe some of this is what some of our young people are experiencing?

I can’t even imagine the things that are put right in front of children these days! When I was a kid, we didn’t have technology like we do now. We were not able to literally have any kind of content at our fingertips at any given time!

Sex sells in popular teen movies, magazines and books. Not to mention the amount of pornography and disgusting stuff that is available at a touch of a screen!

I can assure you in the this current millennial culture…the topic of sex is NOT taboo! Our young people are more familiar with sex than you think! The only problem is their understanding of sex is often not the kind of sex God intended!

“With the advent of the Internet, parents are finding it increasingly difficult to shield their children from pornography. Now, in addition to the exposure kids might encounter from classmates who borrowed one of their father’s magazines, most school-age children and adolescents are spending large amounts of time online for homework or entertainment reasons. Former Attorney General John Ashcroft has estimated that nine in ten teens have been exposed to pornography. Unfortunately, many of these teens are susceptible to developing addictions or compulsions to these images.”

– https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/sexuality/teens-and-porn/advice-for-parents-of-teenage-porn-addicts

9 in 10 TEENS!!!! That’s crazy! Crazy!

Why wouldn’t we want to make sex a topic that is a good thing? A thing that is modeled to younger people. A right way to have sex…within the constitution of marriage.

We can no longer be ignorant. Sex is a topic that needs NOT be taboo!

Let’s talk about sex!

With all these facts in mind, I think it is important we as christians find a way to talk about sex! We NEED to make it a subject that is both honoring and enlightening to the next generation! But, how do we do this?

This subject is a passionate subject for me (no pun intended). However, I wish I had more understanding about married sex, BEFORE I was married. Even after I was married, I wish I had people to discuss sex and intimacy (two different subjects) with.

I’ve thought a lot about what I would do differently in the church, and how I would help marriages to thrive. Here is a list of things I think need to be made more of a priority in our churches…

  1. Couples bible studies on marriage.  One of my favorites is Love and Respect.
  2. Women’s and men’s groups on specific topics about sex and intimacy.
  3. Discipleship from older couples in the church who have experience at being married.

These are just a few.

Am I saying that all y’all need to go tell the world how you and your husband “make-love” on any given day? NO! We don’t need to know details. But I would say that we do need relevant discussion. ESPECIALLY in the church!  There is nothing wrong with having a conversation (in the right setting) about sex, sex issues, marriage and intimacy.

Let’s be real…we all have sex (if we’re married). It’s a common occurrence. It’s normal!

Why wouldn’t we talk about SEX; in all of it’s forms and all of it’s glory?

I would love to hear from you and get feedback on what you think about this? Shoot me an email or go to my Contact Me page.

I hope this post will be one of the many posts on this specific topic! Stay tuned for more!

Thanks for reading!

God bless!

-Z

Lets talk about Sex!

How to have Sex when you have a house full of kids…

Love-making is a ninja skill…

Ok, Raise your hands if you have tiny human tornadoes, created by yourself?

Kids. So precious. So wonderful. So…absolutely up in your “grill” 24/7. At least mine are.

I have 4. FOUR kids! Did I mention that? So, You can say that love-making is a ninja skill that my husband and I have perfected (at least we like to think we have).

There have been countless “oh crap” moments in our almost 11 years of marriage, where we should have planned better. But hey, sometimes those things just aren’t the top ‘things’ on your mind at the moment. There have been many times when we are just like, “really?!?, you have to ask a question through the door about why the sky is so blue, NOW?!?”

We’ve all been there. We all have had to sacrifice our love-lives for the good of the “chillins”. But, enough is enough! I say we take back SEX!

You NEED this…

Now, Let’s get this straight…Since I will most likely be bringing a bunch of this kind of stuff up (because I am very passionate about this subject-especially in Christianity), let’s just reiterate the fact that God created us to be sexual WITH OUR HUSBANDS. BIG emphasis on HUSBANDS. (If you’re not married and you are having sex…send me an email…I’d love to chat with you…no seriously;)

Back to the subject…

He has a NEED. It is legit. It took me years to understand this.

“Anyone who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography.” -Robert Byrne

There’s nothing wrong with him. He just needs it. And I would argue, that YOU need it!

(If you ever need a good read on marriage and sex…check this out…https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/sexual-relations-in-marriage.)

Christian women often struggle giving themselves permission to be sensual within marriage and may need time to see it as a healthy part of who they are. “….May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits” (Song of Solomon 4:16, NASB). Women need to meditate on being a sexual creature and talk with other women who are further along in this journey to learn how they can embrace their sensuality. -Christiancrush.com

Sex is actually good for you, ladies! Here are 6 ways that SEX IS GOOD FOR YOU:

  1. Having sex can actually be considered a rather good form of exercise: A small study published in October 2013 in the journal PLoS One showed that men burned an average of 4 calories a minutes during sex sessions that averaged 25 minutes, and women burned off 3 calories. That’s a lot more fun than toiling away on a treadmill.
  2. Stanford University published a study on sex, to be a form of pain relief! Other studies have found that women may get some relief from menstrual crampsthrough a good orgasm.
  3. Sex can help relieve stress by raising endorphins and other hormones that boost mood. As a form of exercise, it can also help calm you down. In addition, a Scottish study published in the journal Biological Psychology found that sexual activity prevents increases in blood pressure during stressful events.
  4. According to the National Sleep Foundation, orgasms release the hormone prolactin, which can help you feel sleepy and relaxed. So don’t be too surprised if you and your partner doze off shortly after a satisfying session — and wake up feeling refreshed.
  5. Sex is a mood enhancer! It’s no wonder you’ve got a more positive outlook after sex: There are biochemical rationales for experiencing improved mood as a sex benefit, from the neurotransmitters that may be released during healthy sex to the mood enhancers contained in semen itself. -Dr. Sandra L. Caron Ph.D
  6. That fabled “morning after” glow? It’s not just your imagination; you really do look better after having sex. “Sex even helps you look younger,” says Caron. That glow can be attributed to a combination of stress relief, better mood, and the flush of blood under your skin that’s a natural part of the arousal process. Enjoying a healthy sex life is one of the great joys in life. Knowing intimacy could be a boon for your long-term health as well make it that much more pleasurable.

(Everydayhealth.com)

See! Isn’t that great!!!!!! Sex is soooooo good! Not to mention, that it’s just so good!

Here’s some tips…

So, with all that being said, here are some tips for those parents who just can’t wait until bed time to “get the groove on”….

5 tips to help you make the most out of your “circumstances”…

      1.  Be intentional.

-If you haven’t “done the deed” in a couple of weeks, or even a couple days….It’s time! Set a time for yourself, and be intentional about doing it (no pun intended;). You see, if you don’t make it intentional, there will always be something that comes up. Maybe start with sexy (that’s relative;) text messages while he’s at work, or make a tempting comment to him before he leaves for work. That way, when he gets home, that “one thing”, was all was thinking about all day, and he is ready for you! You’re welcome.

      2. Be Creative.

-Find a few ideas (i.e. movies, games, playing outside) for the kids to do at a moments notice. That way, if you and your hubby decide to “get down”, you can say, “Hey kids! Go in the den and watch a movie for about 30 minutes!” Then, you and the hubby can go in your room and lock the door. 😉 It’s not always about having sex at night. Sometimes, the day time hours just work! Don’t be afraid of the light!

      3. Spice it up.

-Change it up occasionally. Been wearing that same lingerie since you got it as a wedding gift? Time to throw away the thing, and buy a new one! New lingerie is great for spicing it up!

-Always on the bed??? Try it on the floor, or on the kitchen counter (that’s for when the kids are being babysat lol)! Don’t be afraid to try new things with your husband. Trust me, he is not thinking about the extra 15 pounds in your mid-section, or no make-up (stay tuned for my post on “Body Issues and Sex”).

      4. Never say no.

-I know certain things come up occasionally, but try to never say “no” to sex. Be available for your husband when he needs you. This has been one of my convictions for a long time now. I’ve always said, “be ready in season and out of season”. If any of ya’ll know the Bible…that’s a spoof on a subject that’s completely taken out of context, but is a great reminder to always be available for your husband. Anytime, anywhere. Shaved legs or not! Who better to satisfy him than his own wife??? Come on ladies, you know where I’m going with this!

      5. Make a resolution.

-What better time to make a new year’s resolution, than now? I mean, we did just start a new year, right? And, what better resolution than to have more sex with your husband?!? Maybe it would be a good idea (for some of you), to set two or three days or nights, a week to implement these tips (if you have kids), and to plan sex! Having kids is not for the faint of heart. There is a lot of work that goes into being a parent and caring for your kids. But, I would argue that caring for your husband is MORE important (be watching for my post on “Husbands-Your # 1 ministry”).

Just do it!

I pray that this post is encouraging to you. I realize that this is a touchy subject, and that some people (women especially), find it uncomfortable to talk about sex. That’s ok! We all struggle with certain things in marriage, and maybe this subject is something that God is growing you in. It took me years to learn these things, and I am still not perfect with them. But, just like with being a mom, sometimes the hardest parts, are the most rewarding parts (no pun intended…again. lol).

So, Just do it! Bless your husband today! God bless you on your endeavor!

Sincerely,

Z