Lets talk about Sex!

Sexy Wife

5 tips on being sexy for your husband-When you feel like a hag.


Definition of sexy : sexually suggestive or stimulating : erotic. : generally attractive or interesting : appealing.


Let’s be honest now…if you are a wife and mom, and especially if you are in your 30’s and have had more than a couple of children…you probably feel like a hag…at least most of the time.

Am I right? Or am I the only one who struggles with this? #haglife

The word “sexy” may make you roll your eyes, sigh with exhaustion, or just make you say, “whatever!”.

Maybe you just had a baby and you feel more like this…










Maybe your idea of “being sexy” looks like this… (sorry random lady)…










Maybe the thought of the word “sexy” sounds exhausting…

(I have no idea why I am using so many dang animal pictures!)

So what does it look like to be a “sexy wife”? 

What does it mean to BE “sexy”?

Today we are going to be looking at some of the proposed perceptions of husbands and the thought processes of wives of what it means to be a SEXY WIFE.

The Unspoken Truth

When our men finally ask us to be their wives, we are usually ecstatic! We start planning, we start dreaming, we show off our beautiful ring. But USUALLY, we start exercising. Am I right? We want to be able to get into that tiny little white dress and impress not only our husbands, but everyone that will be at our wedding.

The unspoken truth of the matter is, when we first start our marriages, we make it our goal to become as sexy as humanly possible for our husbands. We go out of our way to find sexy lingerie, to dress up, to cook yummy treats and meals, to initiate intimacy, to send sexy little text messages to their phones, etc.

Then, a lot of times….children happen. Busyness happens. Life happens. Not that we don’t still want to be sexy for our husbands, even as moms, but life has a way of making all of those initial important things go away. What used to be important seems to be “put on the back burner”. We still dress up for Sundays, put makeup on for date nights and sometimes, occasionally workout. But, what used to be so much of a priority has been unintentionally forgotten.

We resort to sweat pants and bad hair days, with no thought as to how it effects our husbands.

You see, being sexy is not necessarily being all dressed up in a laced black negligé, 5 inch stilettos or saying alluring things to your husband (even though those are great things!).

Sexy is a frame of mind. Sexy is a vibe that you give off! The confidence that you once had with your husband. Before children. Before the busyness of life.

Yes, you can still wear sweat pants and have messy hair, and still have that “vibe” that you once had. That sexiness that drives your husband wild! But, it is an intentional way of thinking. Intentional actions.


I say we awaken that which used to be so important to us in the beginning of our marriage…being sexy.


I recently took a poll on Facebook of all the married men out there who were brave enough to respond. I put a list of things on there that might describe what they viewed as being sexy. Here was the question and these were the choices:

My wife looks most sexy/attractive when she:

  1. Dresses up
  2. Initiates intimacy
  3. Puts effort into health/body
  4. Sends love notes or pictures

Believe it or not, there were not that many husbands who responded (I salute the brave few).


Because, I believe that they were and are tongue-tied.

I believe that they were fearful that maybe their wives would read their response and get offended by their opinion. Unfortunately, I don’t think that this fear that men have is too far off the mark. Why is it that wives AND husbands cannot talk openly about what is sexy to them, and what their needs are?

Don’t get me wrong, I think women are more apt to give their opinions on what their husband should do to be sexy…

“What are you wearing?!? That is so ugly! Here, wear this!”

“hunny, maybe you should start working out…you know, get those big arms that Chris Hemsworth has.”

“Gross…you want to have sex now? You are all sweaty and nasty! Get away from me!”.

Can you even imagine what would happen if our husbands said any of those kinds of things to us?!?!?


I believe that many men are tongue-tied because they are not able to say what they desire from their wives, especially in the realm of “sexiness”, for fear they may get in an unwanted fight, or possibly even “lose their life.”  I believe it is a huge struggle for them. They want so badly to say what they find sexy from their wives, without fear their wives will take it wrong, or be offended. I believe most husbands really do have good intentions for this sensitive subject, but end up just not saying anything at all because they don’t want to their wives to feel hurt.

Ladies…we can alleviate their fears!

We can allow them to communicate with us without feeling like they are “walking on eggshells”. We can for all practical purposes, allow them to give insight into their hearts.


Yes. Yes we can.

Note: The most popular choice for husbands was #2: Initiates Intimacy. Interesting huh?

5 Tips

I definitely have not “arrived” at “being sexy”. I am no professional. Don’t claim to be. But, I do have to say I have learned a lot in my 11 years of marriage. I have learned a lot of what NOT to do, and also what works for my husband.

I believe if we go into this journey of discovering sexiness with the intent to bless our husbands, God will inevitably bless our efforts.

After all, isn’t it our goal to serve our husbands? Shouldn’t it be our pleasure to present ourselves (especially our bodies), as gifts to our husbands?

With these observations addressed, here is a list of 5 tips you can start to initiate in your marriage. I believe we can be sexy for our husbands again!

It just takes a little intentionality on our parts.

5 tips to being sexy for your husband:

  1. Ask him. 

I guarantee if you ask your husband to be honest with you, he will be more than willing to shed some light on ways you can be more sexy. Of course, he needs to be loving about it, but don’t take it offensively if he comments on something you may not be doing. Take it as him caring for you. Which he does! Ask him to give you ideas on ways you can be more sexy and attractive for him.

2. Make an effort.

Just like when you first got engaged, make an effort to be healthy, both physically and mentally. I think this point is one of the most important things you can do to feel and be more sexy! When you are healthy (eating right and exercising), you not only feel better in every way, but you start getting confident in how you look! He will notice too! Trust me… this has been the most beneficial point for me, personally!

3. Initiate things.

I don’t just mean sex. Yes, sex is very important too, but I mean also initiating intimacy with your husband  (I won’t get too detailed about what “intimacy” is. I will leave that to your imagination!;).  Also, women…we have an easier ability to initiate (and plan) dates with our husbands. I guarantee you your husband wants to date you, but he is intimidated on planning the babysitting aspect of it. Take initiative sometimes (husbands need to plan dates too), and plan a date. Set up the babysitting. Be a team!

4. Be Spontaneous.

This option is so wonderful! Because, the possibilities are limitless! You can be sexy in so many ways with this one! Here are a few ideas off the top of my head…1. Send a sexy message (or picture) randomly to your husband during the day (be discreet…you never know who may be near his phone). 2. Get the kids babysat for when he gets home from work one night, and have a quiet and intimate dinner (and “dessert” after ;). 3. Plan a weekend getaway with your husband. 4. Dress up for him whenever you are going somewhere with him (even just to the store), to make him proud. Be creative! You can do it!

5. Spend time on you.

This morning, my husband told me he feels many women just need to allow themselves to spend time on THEMSELVES (yes, I married a winner;). What he meant by that was a lot of women just don’t feel the freedom to be able to spend time on themselves, without feeling guilty about it. I think he is right! There are many times when I treat myself to a pedicure, manicure, or to getting my hair done, and there is a twinge of guilt associated. That should not be the case! Ladies…if we spend a little extra time on making ourselves feel pretty, and even just the sheer fact of putting the focus on US for a change, it will go such a long way to helping us feel relaxed and refreshed! We need to allow ourselves the freedom to take care of ourselves, to take care of our appearances. THIS will go a long way to making us feel less of a hag, and more SEXY for our husbands!


I hope these tips will enrich your marriage and your thought process on what it looks like to be a sexy wife. It’s really pretty simple. Our husbands don’t need much from us! When we put effort into making our husbands feel respected and honored by the way we treat and view ourselves, it very impactful!

Let’s bring SEXY back to our marriages!

God Bless!





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