I received so many accolades from people all over the country, who were appreciative that I wrote about christian married sex (check out my page on “Let’s talk about Sex”)! Thank you so much for your support! It truly means a lot.

Sex-Talk is Inappropriate?

Unfortunately, there were a few that had issues with my last post about sex. Some argued that their teenagers were reading it, and that it was inappropriate for me to discuss sex in a public forum. I would argue that it is the most appropriate thing a teenager can read (if thats what they really want to read about).

Why? Because I would rather a teenager stumble upon a post about christian married sex and be educated on what a godly marriage and sex-life looks like, then to peruse Teen Magazines (look at this one! It’s for teens!), Pinterest, Snapchat, Twitter and Facebook (not to mention the internet!!!) and read about all sorts of INNAPROPRIATE talk about un-married sex and teenage promiscuity.

Is your teenager on Pinterest? Think it’s an innocent and safe place for home decor and recipes??? THINK AGAIN! Yes, it can be a great resource, but just type in “sex”, and you will find out what “inappropriate” is. There is stuff on there and many other forums that is so dangerous! The fact of the matter is, teenagers are curious.

But, that’s a whole different subject.

People WANT to talk about Sex!

What these facts on both sides made me realize was…people (and teenagers) WANT to talk about sex. People (and teenagers) want to know that it is ok to talk about sex.

People also want to know that other people struggle with all sorts of sex related issues.

Marriage is hard sometimes. But marriage can be amazing too. If we educate our young kids to what a godly, healthy and awesome marriage looks like (including a healthy sex-life), I think we would have so much less curiosity going on with our young people.

There are so many facets to a married sex-life, and unfortunately, not enough people talk about it. ESPECIALLY  in the church. As christians, we have the privilege to be able to tell the world that we can have the best sex ever! Why? Because we understand that sex, in it’s truest form, is a picture of intimacy with our God! It is not only a fun and exciting thing between a man and women, but it is truly beautiful.

These guys say it perfectly:

“Sex. For some, the topic is taboo. Others find it repulsive. Those willing to market and exploit it make millions. Did you know that most couples have as much trouble talking about their funeral as they do talking about sex? That could be why the Christian Church has largely gone silent on the issue. 

Some have bought into the myth that sex is only to be discussed between a husband and a wife, yet while sex is sacred and the marriage bed should be guarded, the topic of sex must be discussed if it’s going to truly be honored and protected. God is not afraid of the topic of sex. Did you know that God has given us more instructions about sex than He has about parenting? The Bible provides more instruction and guidance for how to make a baby than for how to take care of one! God has given us sex as a gift and it’s one to be thoroughly treasured, celebrated, and enjoyed.” -Ted Cunningham (Pastor at Woodland Hills church in Branson, Mo) and Dr. Gary Smalley (Bestselling author and Dr.)

Why the “Hush, hush”?

Why is it then that this topic has become so “hush, hush”? Is it because of our culture? Is it because it’s portrayed as “ugly” and not to be discussed in public? Is it because it’s “wrong” to “air your dirty laundry”?

There are so many “why’s”.

I’ll tell you what, I sure wish I was able to discuss sex in an open way as a young person! As a teenager, I was curious. Aren’t we all? I wanted to know about sex, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. I had heard that it was a “taboo topic”. That I wasn’t allowed to discuss it or ask questions about it, and God-forbid, bring it up in a church setting!

Luckily, my mom gave me a book about married sex later on in high school. I was able to read it, and try to understand it (in my finite pea-brain of a mind, at that age). Unfortunately, I still didn’t understand, and I wasn’t able to discuss it with anyone. Later on, when I went to public school (I was homeschooled for 10 years), I heard “talk” that I had no idea what it was about. I was so naive (looking back now…it was a good thing), that I could not understand half of the vulgar things that were being said. Trust me….vulgarity is totally a common thing in our high schools! To think otherwise is just being ignorant.

Maybe some of this is what some of our young people are experiencing?

I can’t even imagine the things that are put right in front of children these days! When I was a kid, we didn’t have technology like we do now. We were not able to literally have any kind of content at our fingertips at any given time!

Sex sells in popular teen movies, magazines and books. Not to mention the amount of pornography and disgusting stuff that is available at a touch of a screen!

I can assure you in the this current millennial culture…the topic of sex is NOT taboo! Our young people are more familiar with sex than you think! The only problem is their understanding of sex is often not the kind of sex God intended!

“With the advent of the Internet, parents are finding it increasingly difficult to shield their children from pornography. Now, in addition to the exposure kids might encounter from classmates who borrowed one of their father’s magazines, most school-age children and adolescents are spending large amounts of time online for homework or entertainment reasons. Former Attorney General John Ashcroft has estimated that nine in ten teens have been exposed to pornography. Unfortunately, many of these teens are susceptible to developing addictions or compulsions to these images.”

– https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/sexuality/teens-and-porn/advice-for-parents-of-teenage-porn-addicts

9 in 10 TEENS!!!! That’s crazy! Crazy!

Why wouldn’t we want to make sex a topic that is a good thing? A thing that is modeled to younger people. A right way to have sex…within the constitution of marriage.

We can no longer be ignorant. Sex is a topic that needs NOT be taboo!

Let’s talk about sex!

With all these facts in mind, I think it is important we as christians find a way to talk about sex! We NEED to make it a subject that is both honoring and enlightening to the next generation! But, how do we do this?

This subject is a passionate subject for me (no pun intended). However, I wish I had more understanding about married sex, BEFORE I was married. Even after I was married, I wish I had people to discuss sex and intimacy (two different subjects) with.

I’ve thought a lot about what I would do differently in the church, and how I would help marriages to thrive. Here is a list of things I think need to be made more of a priority in our churches…

1. Couples bible studies on marriage.  One of my favorites is Love and Respect.
2. Women’s and men’s groups on specific topics about sex and intimacy.
3. Discipleship from older couples in the church who have experience at being married.

These are just a few.

Am I saying that all y’all need to go tell the world how you and your husband “make-love” on any given day? NO! We don’t need to know details. But I would say that we do need relevant discussion. ESPECIALLY in the church!  There is nothing wrong with having a conversation (in the right setting) about sex, sex issues, marriage and intimacy.

Let’s be real…we all have sex (if we’re married). It’s a common occurrence. It’s normal!

Why wouldn’t we talk about SEX; in all of it’s forms and all of it’s glory?

I would love to hear from you and get feedback on what you think about this? Shoot me an email or go to my Contact Me page.

I hope this post will be one of the many posts on this specific topic! Stay tuned for more!

Thanks for reading!

God bless!

-Z